I Find Myself Here

As I was reading this, Im pretty much thinking and going through the exact same things right now. But I started "maturing" a little younger, at around 16, when I was introduced to one of my best friends brothers. He is buddhist. Ill admit, we smoked a lot of reefer (not anymore), and the things that he shared with me just totally blew me away. I no longer cared, about the teen "cliche" as you called it. I started talking to Andrew (my friends brother) almost daily, I emailed him questions, I talked to him when I could in person (he lives in Cali, I live in WA state), and it just kept on going. When I was still in highschool, I too started to see how simple minded and pathetic (for lack of a better word) that some people REALLY are. And its sad. How they try so hard to fit in, and to be accpeted by other people. And I also find it sad that people have to base their judgements on others by the brand of their clothes, or the color of their hair. Dont get me wrong, I wear abercrombie at times, but I definatly dont wear it to "fit in" like some people do. Of course this was all my experience in high school, and I graduated last year, so my experience with people outside of highschool has only just begun. And it seems to be looking good.

"Aint flashed a smile in a long while...."

Sometimes it bothers me when my friends consider things like what they should wear, their hair, not getting enough attention and other feeble excuses for problems annoying. I know we all grow up, and some faster then others, but it's frustrating that they can't see other problems that doesn't concern them. All they care about is clothes, parties, and things like that is the only things they live for. They just seem so superficial and I don't really bother with them much. I was talking to my friend last night about something serious and all she could say was, 'hey jackie, what sould I wear tomorrow?' I think I started 'maturing' last year when everything seemed to be going downhill, and then I realized that all my 'problems' aren't really worth losing sleep over and I spent a lot of time by myself trying to figure myself out. It's sad though. No one else I know feels this way. There's no one I can talk to so I'm pretty much on my own.

"Crap. I lost my watch, now I'm lost in time."

I know how you feel. I too have lost almost all my friends, for various reasons. Although I still have my best friend, that I've known since I was like 3. But I dont have anyone to talk to about serious stuff either. Like my feelings, my outlook on life. No one else understands how superficial the world REALLY is. How what your wearing REALLY doesn't matter. Throw some jeans and a tshirt on and call it good. Sure at times I get all spiffy, but it definatly isn't a daily concern. Wanting to look good at times makes sense. Its hard for me to make new friends, Im really shy, and a lot of people take it as hostility towards them when I dont talk. The closest I have to someone that understands me is online, a girl, who I think has seen the "light" as I have. She totally understands everything, and feels the same way. I think we connected because I was going through some really harsh (and still am) times with my girl, and she was going through the EXACT same situation with her boy. It was amazing how we connected, how she would tell me how she felt and I'd be like "holy shit....I know EXACTLY what you mean, I do the same exact thing". It felt so good to know that someone knew how I felt, instead of peoples fake sympathy. I dont know. Sorry for rambling.

"Aint flashed a smile in a long while...."

Before I couldn't imagine me not being bestfriends with one of my closest friends. Before, I used to wonder how it'd be like if we wern't, and now I know. I think what hurts most is that my friend just acts like normal, being too cheery, being too excited to see me, even if I don't ever see or call her anymore at all. I'd rather just not have any contact with her then having to pretend everything. I usually keep to myself, and before people got to know me, they thought I seemed intimidating and snobby, so they were relunctant to talk to me, but it's just because I sometimes don't have the guts to go over there and introduce myself, especially when I was new here. At least you have someone online that shares the same ideas or attitude as you do. It's nice to be able to talk to someone about life and so on. Right now, I just feel so alone. No, I don't want pity, I just want to real people in my life who understands, or at least tries to.

"Crap. I lost my watch, now I'm lost in time."
[  Edited by WanderingNobody at   ]

everyone is talking about maturity but aren't there different kinds of maturity?

i believe after a while you WILL get tired of anything, so you begin questioning it.. then you draw your own conclusions..

that's maturity

so the question is what have you questioned..

since everyone goes through different things, we all get tired of different things.. meaning we all question different things, and we base our conclusions on previous conclusions.. now this means everyone is mature at different levels compared to themselves and others (you must mature in some form or another, as long as there is time) also there are different kinds of maturity..

""That's only the tip of the iceberg.""
[  Edited by analytical29 at   ]