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Couple of dirty jokes - Page 12

User Thread
 26yrs • M •
DjTrunks2467 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Little boy blew
Little boy blew who
Michael Jackson!!

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 26yrs • M •
RellyRell is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
A man with a 25 inch penis decides that its 2 big. He asks his friend how he can fix this problem. He tells him theres a witch in the forest that can help him. So he goes into the forest and asks the witch how he can shrink his penis. She says that theres a frog in the woods on a stump, and evertime you ask it to marry you and it says no your penis will shrink 5 inches. So he finds the frog on the stump and asks it to marry him. The frog says no. Whheeeeeppp. his penis shrinks 5 inches. He asks again will yo marry me. Again the frog says no and another 5 inches is gone. The man decides that 10 inches is the perfect size so he asks the frog again. The frog gets upset and says how many times do i have to tell you NO NO NO.

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 26yrs • M •
DjTrunks2467 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Me and my friend Eric was wondering in the desert, we were hungry and dying of thirst, all of sudden we came accross a house. This butt ugly lady lived there who had plenty of food, but one of us had to have sex with her. So we rock, paper, scissored for it, I lost. We went upstairs and she opened her legs and closed her eyes, instead of screwing her I used corn. When I used up that one, I threw it out the window. I told Eric that she was done and we can have food, then he said, "I don't want nothing....I want some more buttered corn."

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 70yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that squatteam is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I kept seeing that ad on TV for pills that were guaranteed to make 'that part' of the male anatomy grow by 25%. I ordered a bottle and after only 1 month my shoe size has gone from an 8 to a 10 1/2.

A friend at work got an assortment of condoms that included a cherry flavored condom. When I asked for it I told him I wanted to try an experiment. The next day I came to work and told him "2 1/2 minutes."
"Two and a half minutes for what?", he asked.
"For the flavor to reach the mouth."

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"Popular dissidents are merely pacifiers given to us by the Government to keep us in line and thinking someone is making a ruckuss."
 25yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Ana Rpo is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
The frog one was very funny, but the condom one was really

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"In the sea of ilutions and frustations that life is, some swim and some drown"
 36yrs • F •
bellssexyass is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
87 year old man= [i]

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 29yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that shadowcult is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
a black man a white man and a asian man where speeding to a club one night when they got pulled over buy a cop. the cop said they would get a ticket unless the three mens penises equald 25 inches in length. the black man pulled his out 12 inches. the white man pulled his out 12 inches. and the asian pulled his out 1 inch. the cop was amazed and he let them go. the black man said im glad i have a big penis the white man said yeah me to the asian said im glad i had a stiffy.

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"Emotions are for the weak minded, so cry me a river build a bridge and get over it."
 29yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that shadowcult is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
if you ever wonder why there is so much sexuality involved in pretty much everything that go's on in the USA just remember the country is controled by Dick, Bush and Colin.

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"Emotions are for the weak minded, so cry me a river build a bridge and get over it."
 37yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that Ironwood is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
A guy walks up to a hooker and asks her how much for a hand job

50 bucks

50 BUCKS! Its just a hand job!

You see this ring (flashes a rediculously exspensive ring) I got this from my hand job money, because I'm that damn good and I guarantee my work.

Hmmm, thats still a lot but if its guaranteed and its that good I'm just gonna have to try it

(She promptly gives him the best hand job of his life)

Holy Shit! That was the best hand job of my life! How much for your blowjobs?

500 bucks

500 BUCKS! Are you insane?!

(She points to the most crazy exspensive looking pimped out ride you've ever seen)

See that car, got that from my BJ money, I'm even better at BJ's and all work is guaranteed.

Well, thats still a lot but as good as the hand job was I don't think I really have a choice.

(She proceeds to blow his mind with the best freakin blow job he has ever had)

Dear God! That was the best freakin blow job I've ever had! Well its been exspensive but totally worth it, I'm almost afraid to ask but I gotta have sex with you now, how much?

(She turns and points to a plainly visible sky scraper in the night sky as he turns white and his jaw falls wide with disbelief)

See that, if I had a pussy I'd own that mother fucker.

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"The Greatest Enemy of Knowledge is Not Ignorance, It is the ILLUSION of Knowledge. Stephen Hawking"
[  Edited by Ironwood at   ]
 37yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that Ironwood is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
was that joke any good? I've never seen it on paper so I don't know if it is still funny, let me know.

Ya, you can be cruel, I didn't make it up

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"The Greatest Enemy of Knowledge is Not Ignorance, It is the ILLUSION of Knowledge. Stephen Hawking"
 38yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that pv_emerald14 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Ya it was pretty good.

Em

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""Live life to the fullest!""
 35yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that wesdawgy is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I thougt it was damn funny man.....lol

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her
breasts. He told her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub your
nipples and say, ' Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." She went
home and did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew
great boobs!
One morning she was running late and after she got on the bus she realized
she had forgotten her morning ritual. She loved her new boobs and didn't
want to take the chance of losing them so she got up in the middle of the
bus and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy was sitting nearby and asked, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any
chance?"
"Why yes I do. How did you know?"
He leaned toward her, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock.......

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"I'd like to say something profound....."SOMETHING PROFOUND""
 28yrs • M •
thony is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
master card commercial.

getting a hoe from the street = $ 20
getting her to take her clothes off= $10
getting your dick wet = $5
getting her to suck your dick= $1
there is nothing a hoe can't do for everything else just ask your mama.

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 37yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that Ironwood is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
(CAUTION: HIGHLY OFFENSIVE TO STUPID PEOPLE)

Bad pussy

Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend's pussy, I'm the kind of guy who loves a warm fuzzy pussy on his crotch on a cold day, or any day for that matter.

Pussies are beautiful just like the people to whom they are connected.

But there is such a thing as a bad pussy.

Take for instance the other day, it wasn't that she teased me when I wanted to play with her, or bugged me when I didn't. It wasn't the faint but distinct odor of tuna or the strange noises, it wasn't the tracks all over our clothes, sofa, and bed (even the floor wasn't safe). It wasn't even the tampon that bothered me or the faint smell of ass.

No, my problem came when the bitch ate my goldfish. I could have lived with her getting muddy and raiding the bathroom garbage, but my goldfish is no pussy's snack.

Fucking cats.

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"The Greatest Enemy of Knowledge is Not Ignorance, It is the ILLUSION of Knowledge. Stephen Hawking"
Couple of dirty jokes - Page 12
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