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Well, try this one on for size. A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down, orders a drink and then lets his pet monkey go loose. First the monkey decided to go up on the counter. When he got there he took a martini olive and just slide that thing down his mouth without even lookin' at it. He figures next that he is still hungry so he climbed up onto the pool table and swallowed the cue ball, whole. The man saw what his naughty monkey did so he simply told the bartender, "I'm sorry about that cue-ball,  I'll pay for it and the drink before I go." He does so and leaves. A couple of weeks later, the same man comes back to the same bar with the same monkey behind him. The man sits down, orders a drink and lets his monkey loose. This time when the monkey went onto the counter, he grabbed a marichino cherry, stuck it straight up his ass, pulled it out, and ate it. The barkeep sees this act and remarked, "Sir,  I swear I could've seen your monkey put a cherry up his butt and eat it. The man responded, "Yes, ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first." 
""How do you know we exist? Maybe we don't exist." -Vivi FF9"
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