Marital Cheating

As I have recently become divorced after 12 years of marriage, I am curious about few things. For us guys how would you feel or react if you found out that your wife or girlfriend had been cheating on you with your boss? This has been going on in my life for the past 8 years. Thought I had the perfect woman, honest and trustworthy. And now that I am single, how do I start dating again?

For the ladies, have any of you ever been lied to straight to your face by your partner? How do you feel about this situation?

I am an honest man, father of 3, stabily employed, good provider, and feel like I have been cheated out of my life. Living in rather populated area of Wyoming (you would have to know the size of Cheyenne, to appreciate that statement) it shouldn't be hard for me to find a nice girl. Nice girl, one that wouldn't fault me for having a child that is physically handicapped. Sorry, this isn't the dating game.

Help me out here, please.

Oh My Goodness!!

I am not sure how to help you out in this kind of situation, cheated_life. I have been married to my husband for 15 years, and together for 18. We have one of the most outstanding marriages, we have been told. We have been through alot throughout our years. We have never had to overcome the cheating situation. We have an understanding between the two of us. We have said since the beginning, You can look, but don't try it!
I hope this can be of some kind of help, if it is not what you were looking for, please let me know!

Thanks woundup, I would have never thought that this would have happened to me either. I agree with the looking, but I never thought she would have played the touching part.

I have been married for 20 odd years,,,,as far as cheating...I don't know and don't want to..he had a very close guy friend that his wife kept telling me they were... (together) but l as far as lies.... yes I know all to well about that.....When you are in a situation you may see things that you find yourself making excusses for....You don't want to except what you may know in your head but refuse to see in your heart...as for me my marrige was over for years before I had the guts to do something about it...the divorce has been dragging on for a year and a half and I was lucky to find a very good friend who helped me through so much....I never looked forward to starting over...at my age and with five kids......who would even look my way...but there are good people out there, and you find them in the oddest places...I found my friend at work, just another co-worker who let me get a few things off my chest...Church groups, school functions, and yes even your local store.....You may not even be looking when that someone special finds you....And if you are afraid that someone wont consider a special needs child .....you are wrong...there are plenty of people with large enough hearts and plenty of love to share....I was lucky enough to find one without even looking....hang in there it took me time but it was worth it....

You know I wasn't quite sure how to answer this one, but here goes...

Sometimes people stray away from there loved ones, for fun, excitement, or just plain stupidity. Does this make that person bad? Do you still love him or her? If so are you willing to work through it? There is always 2 sides to a story, investigate before making choices that might hurt you.

Cheyenne is a nice place with lots of woman, you will find one that suits you, hopefully. Enjoyed the time I lived there anyways.

Sorry to hear this. I have no idea if I was ever cheated on.
As it is, I hope not.

That totally stinks, and I am sorry to hear this.



I had a b/f who cheated, but that's different thana spouse. Hang tight, and enjoy life. AND kudo's to you for caring for your handicapped child.


HUGS!

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you and I can absolutely understand. I was cheated on for 7 years by my then husband with my good friend. I probably knew it was going on but didn't think I had any options so I pretended it wasn't happening. I was constantly told to be more understanding and that they were just friends. I kick myself now for not following my instincts and trusting myself. I do have to tell you it does get better and you can make it through the pain. I have trust issues now in my new relationships but if you find someone understanding and patient you will be able to move forward in a happy and healthy way. I am now dating a man with a handicapped child and I love them both. There is hope.

Hello,
I recently caught my husband in a situation that I consider cheating be he doesn't. I found an e-mail where a female at work told him she is his friend and will be there for him if he needs to talk. She also asked him to go to lunch or dinner "out of the area" to talk about "life, her, him and whatever comes about".

He replied "let me take care of some things and we'll do that"

Are you kidding me?? He knows better than to be e-mailing a female let alone agreeing to meet her out of town. He claims he just said that to passify the situation. He said it wasn't "like that" like they always do. I don't believe him. We haven't been intimate for a year (because of him) and I just recently found this.

I don't have anymore proof but I think he has been having an emotional affair with this female if not more.

I am thinking about ending my marriage over this. Am I overreacting?

It seems he is being dishonest. That is more important of an issue than the emails. It also seems you guys have sort of a cold war going on. I don't think ending the marriage should be your first solution - communication should be. Open communication, and open mindedness to that communication. If you try this, and are willing to do this (because it's possible he's closed off because you are also closed off) then you can perhaps fix things.

This situation isn't an emotional affair I dont think - He just seems to like the attention of another female in lieu of the fact that you do not provide to for him (because of your lack of intimacy, etc). Unless he has already gone forward with something more physical, it is a natural reaction and you shouldn't be overly hurt or concerned about it.

Decius,
Thank-you for responding. Yes, he is being very dishonest. I believe I left out some very important info. He is also a verbally and emotionally abusive man. I only figured this out recently.

He has alienated me for years and our lack of intimacy is not driven by me whatsoever. He pushes me away when I try to get close to him. Hugs, kisses, anything. Mind you, I am not unattractive, B.A. degree, In shape, I have a great job, I'm responsible and the mother of his 4 children.

I asked and asked what was wrong and he says nothing he's just tired(for a year?). Which is when I seriously thought there could be someone else. I found the e-mail and it validated, if anything, betrayal. He won't go to counseling, won't sit down and talk about it because he thinks I"m overreacting and if I don't like it then divorce him. That's his answer for everything.

Something very odd is going on.....

I can't help but feel that there's something else going on. That something you are doing is contributing to this. I'm not trying to pass the blame over to you, but we can both acknowledge that it seems he isn't willing to try to fix things. So we should examine what you can do independant of him to try to smoothe things over. If nothing is found, then your options become more limited.

Do you find you are overly critical of him? Do you find you make him feel guilty for anything (even if you are justified)?

Generally a man will react in this manner when he is made to feel guilty for extended periods of time. He begins to shut off.

Was he like this when you first got together? (I assume not)

I've been married for fifteen years and separated for three in-between. It's damn hard to keep up a relationship with the same person for a long time, after years of routine marriage, things change in both partners and sometimes you see things that aren't there. I have found personally that it is easy to get stuck in a rut, carrying on, you end up not talking, just because there's not much to talk about anymore, you drift apart and that's when it gets dangerous for the marriage.

I've just come out of the end of one of these periods, some people call it the 7 year itch, but it certainly comes up periodically. We've had a few of them, if you can recognise its happening and try and talk together about whats happening, its not impossible to find out what is going wrong and set your marriage back on a course that makes you both happy. Some people use a marriage guidance councilor but I really try hard now to talk to my husband and work through (both of our) problems. We're really happy at the moment, don't know how long it will last, but long may it!