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| <<<>>> |
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Ardency |
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| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
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Defining the strength that appears from nowhere. A strength that cannot be attributed to will or adrenaline. A strength that cannot be defined solely as power, but power in desire, a difinitive and unmolested desire to protect her, whatever the cost. The unshakeable and un-compromising property of ardency. It consumes you and all those in the way of its goal: her well being.
Trust. Trust in her love for you. That she will always and forever stare at you with eyes that are for none other. That when you look at one another, there is an unwavering connection that conveys a divine appreciation for not only your existance, but that she was able to encounter you. An appreciation for the ardency you have for her. A natural stillness that instills a confidence, that she will never reject your protection, and respect it.
Nostalgia for the moments when you came to the realization that she was who she was. When the ardent flame was beginning to light within you. Melancholic smiles result from such thoughts. A peaceful thanks for the fortunate steps that lead to this moment, where so much could have gone wrong, but nothing stood in the way of your ardency. That you could appreciate and love her the way you do.
Dually symbiotic. That there exists such a mutual need and desire for both of you to exist. That the appreciation of her life exceeds the appreciation for your life. Not only exceeds, but eclipses. Your life is unimportant. And knowing that she feels the same. No longer two people in reality, but bound together in twirls, affecting one another in every word, gesture, and decision. You complete her, and she completes you. And that is how it will always be.
The smiles of the sweetness of romance. Wanting her to feel loved. Wanting to compete with what she perceives as God in thanks for her creation. Wanting every moment of hers to be a moment of teary eyed heartfelt acceptance that she is indeed loved as immensely as you love her. Every moment, every day, letting her touch the flame burning within your soul, letting her grasp more and more the power it instills within you. Not relieving her doubts, but ellevating her expectations to where she can no longer breathe in natural bursts because understanding the vastness of your desire for her happiness astounds even her natural subconscious processes.
Fear. Losing the gem that you have found. Experiencing the possibility of her existance ceasing. Knowing that you will seperate on random occasions. Empathizing with not seeing her when you want to. Not being able to love her, to protect her, to let her own you, to please her, to pleasure her, to make her laugh, to make her food, to lose yourself in your ardency for her. The fear of closing that immense connection, to not be able to express and let vent the flame of your ardency. To close that up. To seperate it, for other things to seperate it.
Idealism. Loving her because she loves innocence as you do. Wanting to bring smiles to those that do not have them. To use our composite energy, and those created by our joining to improve the world, to instruct others, to help them feel found within themselves. To be reliable to those that need it, to be able to help those we could not independantly, for we refuel with each other, and together equate an immeasurable amount of energy compared to our independant selves. Energy that can be shared and used and exhausted in idealistic ways.
Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain from her pain. Her pain, immensely intensified within you. Impurities in actions towards her causing you grief. Her own insecurities, her innabilities to understand herself, to appreciate herself. Her feeling a lack of worth, or others instilling these things in her. Causing you to feel a hole, a gap, a void within your soul, that though you had all you had for her, you could not prevent it from happening. A feeling of failure, of defeat, no matter how small the abuse.
Spirituality within yourself. Feeling the existance of a higher power, believing in the beauty of vulnerability as opposed to cursing it. Being able to close one's eyes and feel peace, because you found her and she found you, and something propagated something so beautiful and powerful. The constant emotion flowing between your two souls reminding you on a constant basis of something spiritual existing every time you are permitted to love her, and every time she makes you feel loved. The immensity of your ardency for her proving that otherworldy things do exist. That everything in this world is not limited by it.
The ending. Knowing that one day it will end. That you will perish, or she will perish, or that you will change, or that she will change. Knowing that as you both evolve in your independant ways, the material nature of this world will alter you both as time progresses. And that one day this will alter your compatibility, your need for each other, and your desire to grow with one another. Accepting this, knowing that it is natural, that it is the way it is meant to be, knowing that it was beautiful and perfect in the exact nature that it existed, and for how long it existed.
Sacrifice. Your willingness to lay down and allow her to walk over you to transverse her barriers and gaps. Placing your ego, your insecurities, your money, your instinctual need to survive in harms way in order to aid her progression and safety. Knowing that you would not simply do this, but that you look forward to a time when you can, simply so she understands how much you love her. Wanting to sacrifice all you can for her well being so that she can further understand how meaningless your existance is if it can't be for her. The pure joy in the pain you will suffer for your love for her. The need for that joy.
Feeling loved. A joy similar to that of being adored by someone who can truly adore you for the right reasons. Someone who knows everything about you, and does not accept your weaknesses, but loves and thanks God for them. Her making food for you, her organising it on the plate in a way that makes you feel loved. Her worrying about you, her standing up for you, her yelling at someone for you, her protecting you. Feeling protected, feeling safe and desired. Her living for you, you being her gem.
The peace of completion. Silent moments spent together, in material pursuits, you glance her way for a moment and realize everything you would do for her. You realize everything she would do for you. You see that you are together, and the world is a seperate entity. That nothing can ever consume you or her in a method that would create gaps within yourselves. That with every instance of thought, there is the stable knowledge that every decision, plan, emotion and impulse, you are with her in her mind, and she is in yours. That even at this very moment, she is thinking about you, she is loving you, she is living for you, even if she is unaware of it. And you resume your mundane task as she looks at you, feeling exactly the same way. |
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| Created by Decius at
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