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| <<<>>> |
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Moving through slumber |
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| Created by vigil at
| [+ favourites]
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I meandered down the footpath in the afternoon sun, studying all of the small cracks that had etched their way into the slabs of stone beneath my feet. I smiled, imagining myself as the giant who’d made all of those cracks with her humungous earthquake steps, scaring all of the silly towns people away into their small houses. It made sense afterall, hardly anyone was in sight.
The weight of the camera felt heavy and safe in my hands. I turned the screen up toward my face, flicking through the pictures I had taken earlier. Inanimate objects, plants and rocks filled the screen - this was all I had focused on. They seemed to be the only thing I ever focused on these days, it was all too familiar. You’re just waking up again, like when you first started, an inward voice whispered. I stared at the camera, thinking back to when I had first picked up a disposable, how I'd become immediately enraptured with the thought of being able to record anything I deemed deserving of attention during school excursions. Trying to figure out what things were worthy of committing to memory.
At first I took pictures aimlessly, completely unaware of any rules and not caring. I didn’t even know there were any rules, but I don’t think I would have been interested at the time. Later, I enrolled myself in a photography course during my second last year of high school. It came as a shock, and I fumbled with concepts and horrid expectations, brought on through the jarring and critical analysis of the teacher. Sense, Sense, Sense, he would say. But I couldn’t seem to help that the world appeared to me then, a thoroughly confusing and jumbled, unsolvable mess. I didn’t know what beauty really was, didn’t know that it surrounded me in folds. In a way, I was dead to the world, or the world was dead to me. Probably both. Eventually though, after I left, I started seeing things differently, comfortably - with all of the frames and f-stops and filters. It had seemed so chaotic before, and then gradually things started to lose their haze, until the lens came to feel like a third eye. And that’s when I started to build another world for myself. A world more vibrant and mystical and romantic than I considered real life to be. Why can’t I live in pictures, I'd constanly wish.
But only years later came the reply.
Because it’s only one kind of beautiful... and there’s so much more out there, just you wait. You can fill your heart right up with it, you know. Probably forever.
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| Created by vigil at
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