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| <<<>>> |
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Don't numb yourself. |
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| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
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You can never describe the incredible contradiction that expectations bring. Expectations in others and your interractions with them set the bar for your mind, your emotions, and the depth of who you are.
Every day since birth till the approximate age of ten you are busily building up what you expect out of the world and set the emotional intensity that will follow you for the rest of your life. Your parents set the bar, and societal influences mold the settings.
From then on, the reality of life sets in.
The reality that everyone around you will always be less legitimate than you, invest less in you than you do them, and rely less on others as you. People will use you and be selfish more than they will be selfless. Your honesty will always be used against you. Your vulnerability will show through more than it does on others, and as a result they will be able to control you, abuse you, and cause such negativies emanate from inside of you, causing you to lose love and respect for yourself. The pain creates loneliness, because you seek to not be hurt by others, and therefore avoid those that would. But in being alone, you feel segregated from society. That isn't what you dreamt of when you were younger.
So you re-integrate yourself in society. And experience it once again.
Over time these entrances and exits normalize, and what is equated at the end is the mediocre death of your expectations, and the vulgar ability to abuse people yourself.
You are now Normal.
When you meet those that still pursue their age old idealism, seeking meaningful conversations and loyalties, you look at them with contempt for their ignorance. If it happened to you, it will happen to them.
But the truth is...
You don't know who you are anymore.
You choose your personality when you leave the door... like a pair of shoes to depict what you want to be perceived as that day. Yet you have no idea what your bare feet look like.
Are you kind? Are you happy? Do you like children? What music do you like?
In assimilating you lose your individuality, and you will never get it back.
The process of de-programming yourself is similar to untangling hundreds of small threads. It is easy to throw them into storage for the ease of now... but when you seek to know more about yourself, each little thread must be followed intensely and removed from the equation before you work on another.
It is sincerely this difficult to find yourself again. Likely, you've met no more than one person in your time on this planet who has successfully done so.
The pain you feel is regular. That is normal. And it makes you alive.
People cut themselves to assert that humanity, because their tangled minds are too far to unravel.
Value your goodness over others' compatibility. It will provide riches in the long run. |
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| Created by Decius at
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