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| <<<>>> |
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A Dialogue To God |
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| Created by Seraph at
| [+ favourites]
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11.16pm, mar 12 /07
Fuck god.
All I ever really asked of you was for one other.
And I believed that you would. I still believe it.
That having created me that you would have created my equal.
Nothing more, nothing less, just another like me.
Is this a test? Another test?
Surely, you know, as well as I do that I will survive past others when it comes to solitude. That my undying strength makes me able to survive in this world alone without losing my essence, my eyes, my heart won’t turn to stone, that I will remain constantly vulnerable with myself.
Do I have to show you? Do I have to show you more? Hasn’t it been quite clearly demonstrated how alone I am and have been and moreso in the company of others? No, it is not because I don’t know how to be. It is not because I am a sociopath. I know people. I love people. I love them as they walk straight past me.
What is it you wanted me to do? What do you want me to do? Am I coming to you with these questions because I am weak now? Because I am pathetic? No.
I have had enough.
I have had enough of your teasing.
Of you momentarily illuminating the sight before me and then pulling it back, further and further while putting me through tests of endurance, of seeing how much Aruna has in her to give, to take, to will herself through.
And there it is again. My will. My eyes. My hope and expectations of me.
All that prevents me from cursing you away. For I still love you. I still believe in fate. I still believe in the things that seem to keep dwindling further and further away.
I am a woman. I am a strong, soft and immensely able woman. Why make me such if you were not to give me my Man? Why make me a woman? I have felt burdened by this truth for most, if not all of my life. That in being in this being as a woman that I would have to have another in order to enjoy the pleasures and satisfactions a man would on his own.
What makes me spectacular is that I can be and am the brilliance of both. I surpass any man on his own and any woman on her own. Yet everything about me is weakened because of the one truth that I am a woman.
Not finding the right companion is why almost every woman out there remains a girl. For to be a woman without the man who is her man, she knows that her life will be that of a river without any water running through it. Constantly thirsty, always dry, until one day her surface is cracked with hardness. So instead of this fate she remains a girl, where at least she is able to laugh as a girl might freely laugh.
This is not what is to become of me.
This was never what was to become of me.
Not when I have been created with such immense knowledge through strength inside me.
If this is what you have willed for me, that I am to remain in my lone solace, then indeed you are not a God. And you are flawed just as this world is.
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| Created by Seraph at
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