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| <<<>>> |
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Into the darkness again |
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| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
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You restrict yourself today... yesterday. The entire new era. The changes are afoot. Whatever changes you wanted to hope for. Only hope for with a probable idea of what you can do to sustain that hope. Behavioural changes. Make things better.
Pigeonholes. It's a mechanism, these diseases I'm infested with and they are attached... their tentacles are attached. So when someone closes a door, they pull me. When someone opens a door or even breathes... they pull me.
And now I am being pulled back. Mistakes I've made because I'm unlearned and still just use probability to determine my footing. But I keep stumbling. This time I'm trying not to fall. That metaphor... to fall and be done with it once you do.
Depression is a thing of the past. My will will not let it consume me. I theorize using probability. But the niceties of the good moments make me hope for and forget the cruelty of the bad moments.
But I consume it now. And it pushes me to darkness. It pulls me into the deep because I feel as if my soul is dying. But it is not. It is changing, and accepting, that things will never be as I imagined.
The world will only be marginally as good as I've dreamt it would be. I hope to, using probability, accept this without forgetting how much hope I had in myself. Have in myself. That I will be as good as I've dreamt I would be. |
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| Created by Decius at
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