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| <<<>>> |
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Gary's big date |
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| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
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So I met this guy off the net. We had talked a few times on the net and got along really good. Well, not that good, but pretty good.
He was strong to me... I did find that attractive. I'd love it when his name would pop up on my taskbar. I'd have to bite my lip waiting the standard few minutes before messaging him. Didn't want to seem too available. And the bastard never messaged me. Obviously. But I didn't care. He agreed to meet at an Italian restaurant downtown. I didn't expect to screw him, and I didn't expect to fall in love. I didn't know what to expect! I'm never optimistic.
But oh man. I can't wait to smell him. Maybe I will get to screw him. Wishful thinking... I'd never go through with it. Wouldn't mind fooling around though.
What to wear, what to wear. Exciting as hell to me, boring to recount. I decided on a stylish, full sleeved black shirt with a firm collar and my standard dress pants. Black shoes, black socks, black coat. Slicked black hair. Murderously soulful eyes. Sometimes I stare at myself and wish I could understand what I saw. What I am seeing right now. Such beautiful eyes... I really have no idea what I am looking at. But I am mezmerized. Kiss me. I am hot.
Too poor for a taxi, so I leave the bus, careful not to shift any part of my well laid out look. Rain. Rain? Rain! It had to rain. Now my hair will possibly get affected in a way I can't fully fix. I mean, who the hell goes to the washroom the first 10 minutes they are in a restaurant? Guys with gas and guys who are insecure. And I am neither. God damn rain is going to ruin my look.
Fourty-five minutes. Heh... yeah. Okay, I'm dissapointed, but also relieved. I don't know why I'm relieved. But at least the self-loathing I feel right now is familiar. And relaxing. I've run through two loaves of the free bread, and my meal is almost here. I'm not hungry anymore. I'll just get them to pack it up. I know I'll feel like killing myself eating it tomorrow... every bite reminding me of this excruciatingly awful moment. I am so alone. And no one cares for me. I don't cry anymore. My eyes just water for a brief instant.
I realized long ago that tears are only useful when someone sees them.
I carry my little blastic bag and open the door to the restaurant, closing my eyes as I feel the warm summer night breeze into my lungs.
I walk aimlessly for a few seconds. I really have no where to go. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to see a reasonably rugged fellow... similar to the one I was supposed to have dinner with. Could it be? Oh I think so. I grin.
"Hey, are you Gary?"
"Yeah... You're... Keevan?"
"I am Keevan." He smiles.
I look at my watch. "You're a little late?" I don't look happy, but I don't look angry.
"Yeah... I actually... uhh, was on time. I just saw some people in there that I work with. Umm... you know."
I look down and nod slightly, shaking my head slightly. I'm not sure how I'm reacting. How should I act?
"Hey, you got take-out!" He grins at me. "You wanna come over to my place and... uhh... warm it up?"
I am hurt. I look at him, and he is dressed casually... jeans and a t-shirt. He licks the side of his mouth casually.
"Look, I said I'm sorry okay? I'm not ashamed, I just don't want to... I want to avoid complications at work. All right? Do you want to come over or not? Because if not, that's cool, I understand, and I'll get the fuck out of here."
"Where do you live?"
"Down the street. Come on." He grins, but doesn't touch me as he looks around and then walks ahead of me. I follow him.
"So were you in there long?"
"Not that long. I ate a lot of bread."
He chuckles.
"Yeah... You know if you didn't dress that... you know, that way... I would have probably come in. I just don't want to complicate things."
And then he got me drunk, came in my mouth, and rushed me out of his house. I waddled around the neighborhood drunk and lost for a few hours. Eventually I found the right bus and went home.
I stayed up late, eating cold spaghetti and stale bread. It felt deserved. |
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| Created by Decius at
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