 |
|
|
|
|
 |
(78 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
(1455 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
(971 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
(163 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
(1760 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
(675 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
(116 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
(167 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
(1249 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
(248 words)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| <<<>>> |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On the plane |
|
| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
|
|
|
|
|
On the plane.
I had a long discussion with mommy about <name> and the various things that are on my mind, including what I hope to fix within myself at some soon time.
I feel foolish talking about it with stars in my eyes because I don't entirely feel mature doing it. Like I'm this moron who is holding onto a far fetched idea, and that idea making my days seem happier. It sounds romantic but for some reason it sounds ridiculous. I think it's because I ponder whether she thinks about me the same way or if I'm a dream that resides far away, that isn't really a real thought.
The feelings and memories and hope that I have in regards to the entire situation are what really confuses me. Sometimes I feel like it is a ridiculous thing, and other times it seems totally legitimate. Maybe she will smell differently than I thought. Maybe she will look different, be a different size, say different things, look a different way.
The relevancy of this "feeling" appears to be the fact that I am actually looking forward to exploring those differences, as if they will complete the fantasy I have in a way that I could not have contemplated.
It is this unpredictability that leads me to be intrigued by the entire situation. That I cannot predict my thoughts or feelings, nor can I predict the way <name> will act.
But I am always pleasantly surprised.
Walked around Amsterdam, still pondering.
Came to an interesting theory.
Perhaps my stomach aches resulted from being with, or in close proximity with anyone who would place their personal happiness in a higher priority over my personal evolution.
Therefore, if they were the kinds of people who would limit my ability to reach nirvana, or my personal legend.
Would this lead me to believe that <name> isn't one of these people?
Would it then indicate that I permit girlfriends to do this because I am vulnerable to them and they are vulnerable to me? If I limited this vulnerability, then I would not cease to evolve.
Therefore, If I can either limit that sensitivity, or be with someone who cares about me so much that my evolution prioritizes itself over their personal happiness, I can be with someone even before I am fully complete.
Sweet!
Two or three days have passed since I've arrived. I've been eating very well, sleeping reasonably good hours, and have met most of my relatives.
I've been doing a lot of thinking but less lately about <name> as that has become more of a background thought to all of my actions.
I realized today why I got very assholish the last time I came here. I felt those same urges earlier when I was in the car with Mommy, hearing her somewhat be rude to the driver, then singing, laughing, like a rich girl.
I guess that, added to the fact that she constantly tries to show me off or my abilities or my cuteness makes me become very distasted with her. You shouldn't change your morals or who you are for anyone, and not in any given situation.
I feel happy that so much has come to pass in the last few days, so I won't feel unsatisfied with my stay here. I hope I am able to send out a birthday greeting to <name>, but they are all gallivanting and singing in the other room, which is totally fine.
I wonder why I am writing lots of this stuff, maybe I'm bored but I feel compelled to in such a different environtment. Also met <name> today and feel uneasy around her as I do <name> and <name>, all the girls here.
Very weird that I would, in a logical manner, but it feels totally normal for being Robin, which is totally ludicrous. |
|
|
|
|
| Created by Decius at
|
|
|
