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| <<<>>> |
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My Wife and Me |
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| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
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And here, below, before I recognize you, are what provides me the scarce optimism I have in this life and the pride with which to capture you with. Once we have found one another you will read upon this manifesto and know what it means for me to look upon you as I do...
You will ask yourself, why has my husband chosen me? If he is so special to me, and so strong, and so creative and skilfull, then how can I hold onto him? How do I know he will not see another and seek what that other has to offer more than me?
Here, I answer you: If I have taken you, unlike so many others in my past, and wed you, accepted you... The singularity of my existance no longer exists. To seek another to join with, the internal monologue in my mind would be "Would this person add to the lives of my wife and me?". Everything, everything, absolutely everything in the world begins with "my wife" and ends with "me".
You will ask yourself if I have attached myself to you through necessity... if, once that necessity ends will I detach myself from you. You will ask yourself if I am weak, if I am needy, if I adore you because you are my wife and not because you are the woman that you are. You will ask yourself if you quell my own internal demons, and if that is your sole purpose in my life. You will fear that I cannot love you for who you are if you are an entity to me, a position, a person, and not actually the soul that you are.
I tell you, before I know you, that I know who you are. I know who I am. I know what needs to be remedied within me, and I know what my goals are. I will seek out my personal goals with the single minded determination of a beam of light. With such personal strength and desire, you should know that the only way I carried you along with me is if I could enhance your life with my successes. The only way I would dissolve my individuality would be if I knew that you would never hinder my evolution. This knowledge, by definition, negates the possibility of me needing you to dig me out of my hole. You are climbing a mountain with me, not pulling me out of a well. You know this, because I am already half-way to the top, smiling down at you, my arms outreached.
You will worry about me. You will worry that I will not survive without you. Tears will dampen your eyes when you think about me suffering, because you have lost some of your individuality as well. And the seperation of two such perfect halves is a vulgar crime. And you fear this vulgar crime more than worldly attrocities. This holy bond cannot be protected as it should. The world is material.
I tell you, without a bit of fear in my heart, that my love for you, my loss of individuality can never be re-filled. You will exist within me, for who you are and give me strength and complete my existance. Our seperation in any sense would cause me a great deal of pain. But I would be able to cope with such pain, because I would truly know and believe that you loved me with all your being till the day we seperated. I would need nothing else. The sheer possibility of you giving yourself to me less than I gave to you, for even one instant in time, would hurt me a hundred fold, for it would damage my faith in goodness.
You are my faith in goodness, in optimism, in the possibility of God. My goodness maintains itself through your soul, because I am not alone. And I never will be, as long as your heart is mine, and mine is yours. |
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| Created by Decius at
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