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Sex and the City |
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| Created by Decius at
| [+ favourites]
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exordium
I observed an ad at a bus stop one random day as I drove. I caught myself staring at it. It was a modelesque girl sitting in a currently fashionable grey kashmir coat and a skirt. Although she was wearing a skirt, only a tiny percentage of her legs were actually visible. Almost only enough to indicate the fact that she was indeed wearing a skirt. I noticed that if the skirt had been a couple of inches longer, no one viewing the ad would have known that she was wearing a skirt at all.
I also noticed that I did not find the girl attractive at all. Like many fashion models, she wasn't attractive in a physical sense because she seemed very thin and bland. I also found her outfit to be extremely unappealing. By this I mean I personally did not like the kashmir jacket she wore, nor did I like those kinds of skirts, and if I saw a girl wearing that sort of outfit I would not find her beautiful.
It was the repulsion I had towards that outfit that brought on a train of thought and awareness that has altered my perception of not only myself and my desires, but the entire concept of consumerism. That moment stayed with me because I was lucky enough to feel the sudden contradiction that I now know I experienced every day of my life for the last 6 years. And that contradiction was that although there was nothing beautiful or attractive about the girl in that picture to me, I still wanted to have sex with her... badly.
gambit
I began to analyze my own definition and perception of "attraction". I had never before remembered creating such an obvious distinction between my hormonal desires to consume a woman sexually, and whether I actually considered her beautiful or not. I had, up to that point, assumed that since childhood my desires towards beautiful girls had progressed and evolved naturally to encompass the sexuality of manhood.
So I digressed, or at least attempted to the best of my ability, to attempt to remove my sexual and hormonal desires from my perception of women. I hoped to achieve an unbiased and "pure" view of beauty from the perspective of a child, with the assumption that a child does not have the ability to desire a woman in a sexual manner, or at least less so than an adult male.
modus
Although I've since discovered different methods of achieving this unbiased state of mind, the only method I could think of originally was a direct and obvious method of removing sexuality. Hence, masturbation. So I imagined someone I was attracted to, such as that girl in the advertisement, and masturbated to the thought of her. Generally, these self-pleasuring fantasies involved me using her body for my desires, and the more I imagined her being aggressive in a demeaning way about using her body to pleasure me, the more aroused I became. Oral sex, for example, was one of the most arousing examples of the girl using her body in an aggressive manner to pleasure me while also demeaning herself.
Immediately after orgasming, as opposed to my usual routine, I did not engage myself in other tasks but rather sat and imagined that same girl, and analyzed quite critically my attraction towards her. As I had suspected, it was gone. By gone, I do not mean it was lessened. I mean it was completely gone... in fact, I wanted nothing to do with her because no part of me was in any way attracted to her or wanted to do anything with her. I was flooded with the reality of how mundane a conversation would be with her, how passive she would be in reality, and how irritating it would be to wait for her to get ready and beautify herself every morning. I knew that her inability to get her face or hair wet for the sake of vanity, her superficial behavior in shopping, and her inability to be empathetic towards those less fashionable than her literally disgusted me, and I not only wasn't attracted to her, I had distaste towards her.
This bothered me. I wanted my behavior as a man to be as consistent as possible, not for the sake of the woman only, but also for my own mind. I was unable to know that I would find that girl unattractive after I orgasmed, and this worried me. It meant that in my desires towards women, including those I approached and attempted to court, I could be investing my resources towards something I didn't actually want.
Being an efficient person, I found it necessary to figure out how this confusion was created within me, and therefore how to remove it.
dissolution
When I think about my youth and how I grew to desire women, although it is very difficult, I can remember by example my disgust towards "sluts". I remember innocently reacting to loose women in a childish way where I looked at them as sub-normal to the type of girl I would fall in love with. Most importantly, I had absolutely no desire in them. If anything, I felt sorry for them because they seemed lost.
I also remember the slow progression of time when girls stopped thinking I was cute, and began being unattached to me. They stopped being shy or flirtatious and began being highly confrontational and almost derogatory. Because I did not expect this, I was not prepared for it, as I expect most boys turning into men are not. As a result, I became insecure about myself in regards to women. This was primarily because although I was originally turned off by disrespectful women, I found that my peers pushed me to desire them through their own desires, and that somehow it became accepted that the bitchiest girl is the sluttiest one, and therefore, the most desirable one.
And so I find myself here. I no longer have the same friends, nor do I subscribe to the same nonsense I did in my adolescence, but I still desire someone I consider a slut, even though I don't mentally desire a slut.
So I began dissecting the transition phase. Specifically, when I went from being a cute boy with a nice smile that girls were interested in to being a man that had to prove something other than sweetness to a girl in order to gain her affections. It is in this transition that I would find my answers because in truth I would rather be with a woman that wants me because of my sweetness rather than my ability to sustain my interest in her no matter how much abuse she puts me through. And the only way for me to find a potential mate that values my sweetness would be to have eyes only for that. Hence it made perfect sense to attempt to decipher the transition phase that seemed to defile my innocence, and undo that somehow.
defilement
The progression from childhood to adulthood (and also the loss of innocence) can, at least for me, be attributed to my ascension to a different type of society at a specific point in time. This integration into a new society was well timed, because it was also at a time when I was very lonely and more susceptible to suggestion.
For me, this occurred when I first went to university. Although my university wasn't very interesting, the rival city university had a sorority and fraternity society. This also coincided with the end of my first relationship, when I first fell in love with a girl, and was severely betrayed.
When I was presented with fraternity parties, I witnessed the first that I can remember of "real" sluts. Prior to this, loose people existed in films but not in reality. I remember the first time I saw a girl and guy grinding and felt extremely uncomfortable, hard as that is to imagine now. It was being immersed in an already fully active society where the girls were snobby and loose and the guys were either rude or "persistent" while I was lonely and weak that initiated the change within me.
The reason this only initiated the change is that although I witnessed such events and had friends that looked forward to such events, I still lived a majority of my life in another reality, which was my every day life. The difference in my everyday life, however, was that I was now open to the desires that came with wanting to be with a slut, and vulnerable to the insecurities that came with being around guys that always wanted to have sex.
One of the most important things that further pushed my descent into this state of mind was my age, and my hormonal changes at this time. When one enters university they are not only inundated with what I mentioned above, but they are also pushed into their sexual peak. The hormonal need within a male to reproduce at this stage of life is almost unbearable, and the tempting attraction I felt towards being a part of such a society was almost made certain by my need to have sex, since the basis of such a society is having as much sex as you can with as many people as possible.
This is the core of the problem, as now I no longer go to fraternity parties but am still victimized on a constant basis, and further made to feel insecure as a guy. The important question is what creates this within me, and what created it within the fraternity boys and girls.
What creates a desire for sluts within guys, and what creates a desire to be slutty within girls? This is where the immense importance of my own analysis affects how you look and react to society as a whole, as well as your own reactions to it.
deuce
I've often preached that insecurity is an evil disease that plagues human kind. However, I now realize that insecurity is in itself, quite unavoidable. Any pain I suffer makes me insecure, as does any defeat, deceit, or err in my own judgment.
It is most certainly always the method by which people suppress insecurity that creates awful situations and is the basis of regret, and what plagues human kind.
Insecurity is a constant. Humans will inevitably be insecure as they grow up due to lack of popularity, lack of emotional support from parents, abusive siblings, natural physical or mental inadequacies, and a host of other things which, ironically, are generally the result of insecurity themselves.
exploit
When I freed myself from the constraints placed upon me, I was able to merge my sexual desire with my desire for love and intimacy, and completely isolate those desires of mine that I deemed the result of exploited insecurity. When I did this and observed the world, a clear metaphor for this process came to me. It was the concept of commodities.
Desire, when broken down, can primarily be attributed to one thing: the object of your desire has values, or traits, or commodities that you want, be it to consume it, own it, drive it, or have sex with it. The commodities you seek in the objects you desire reflect something you need to fill a gap. For example, if you see food and that is a highly desired item, then it is safe to say that you are very hungry, and the hole you need to fill is hunger. If you desire a car, it is feasible to say that the hole you need to fill is transportation.
I analyzed myself, and knew that I wanted money for various "holes" in my life. I also wanted to fall in love and get married, to fill in my instinctual need to reproduce, as well as fill the "hole" in the lack of security I had towards falling in love and finding the right person. All these things seemed normal and acceptable to me. However, when I thought about wanting to sleep with and degrade women, I could not find an acceptable void that I was somehow filling.
This is when I began observing others and the voids they seemed to fill. This is when it occurred to me that the need I had towards wanting to sleep with as many women as possible was something propagated by society, preying on not only my natural insecurities, but latched onto my hormonal needs as well.
I realized that most people, including myself, dressed a certain way primarily because through pop culture and our own environment we were influenced to believe that those we sought to attract would find the exact commodities we tried to present them attractive.
For example, a girl that wore a short skirt and knee high boots and a revealing shirt was catering to the fashionable influence of provocation. Perhaps it was in a catalogue, or a movie, or her friends dressed that way. In either case, she now dressed this way, amplifying the specific commodities she wanted to be valued for. But why this specific way? Because the same influences that told her how to dress, also told her exactly what kind of a man will seek out those commodities in a girl, and she felt the desire to attract that exact type of person.
Let us assume, for example, that the target male for such an outfit is a clean cut man with a tailored suit, exuding money, and more importantly, brutality and cruelty. This man dresses that exact way because he also knows that the way he dresses and the attitude he puts out is what, according to society, girls in short skirts and boots are supposed to want. Hence, when that girl with a short skirt sees a guy dressed like this and vice versa, it seems almost natural for them to desire one another, because in essence, they are out to meet one another.
However, let's examine the previous example more carefully. First of all, it is not an unrealistic example. A majority of the people who enjoy the nightlife dress in fashionable ways, and fashion tends to dictate that fashionable men dress rich, and fashionable women dress provocatively. The most positively remarkable thing about the entire concept of the fashion world is that these characteristics which break down males and females actually prey on men and women's instinctual needs, and almost digress their minds into an animalistic state.
A man's instinctual need is to spread his seed for the sake of the species. A woman's instinctual need is to attract a suitor that will be a good provider. Hence, a short skirt indicates a loose woman, and a suit indicates a rich, independent, ruthlessly successful man.
In essence, many of the strong methods in which society influences and dictates your commodities to you rely on your need to either be protected by a strong brutal man, or have a woman you can degrade and use at your will.
The main question then is why does society do this to us? And the answer is, commerce.
labyrinth
From the moment of inception into a world with sexuality, men are portrayed as sleek and successful or rebellious and uncaring. It all boils down to an inner confidence to pursue the goals he places upon himself. Being completely immersed in an art, or a trade, or the act of greed indicates to a woman that the man is strong and brutal, and knows what he wants. This denotes strength, which is extremely desirable to a woman in an instinctual manner.
Women are portrayed as confidently sexual. Fashionable women attempt to be as provocative as possible without actually confessing that they are loose. This is primarily to avoid alienating other females because females feel uncomfortable around fellow females that are loose, as is instinctually sound. Whether they be truly loose or not, fashionable women dress loose, and will most definitely provide extremely satisfying sexual pleasure to the suitor that proves his worth the most. A woman that has accepted a suitor that does not provide sexual fulfillment is looked down upon by both women and men.
Let me clarify a few things prior to alienating you. First of all, by "loose", I do not only mean short skirts or revealing outfits, but rather outfits that in pop culture deem a woman not a virgin, and a good sexual provider. In different fashion circles different attires apply. The same goes for men. A confident and brutal man in a suit will have the same effect in his crowd that a gangster with pants down to his ankles and gold chains around his neck will have on his.
The conclusive point about the way pop culture portrays strong men and loose women is that the stronger a man you look, the looser and more skilled a woman you will get (and vice versa), and that in order to achieve an effective look of brutality (or looseness) you have to purchase their goods and services.
archetype
With the above information, perhaps it would be prudent for you to take a step back and think about advertisements, posters, television ads, movies and musicians, and analytically attempt to pigeonhole the various methods they use to integrate the product they sell, to the human commodity of either men or women or both, attacking the common insecurity of loneliness, basically indicating that their product will enhance the chances of you landing a woman or man that is highly valuable.
Media places values on people based on the products they are able to sell, and then prey on your insecurities to make you want to buy them. Observe music videos of the past and present. Observe pop culture movies, and very importantly, what television shows really become famous to the sexual generation. A majority of them will focus on women who have lots of sex along with men who are brutal or successful or inherently confident.
You will observe publicly worn clothing ads as rarely ever placing a man away from a woman. You will see alcohol ads, cigarette ads, sunglasses ads, and automobile ads as always, very silently, implementing into your sub-conscious mind the idea that with their product, your insecurities in regards to loneliness and your own personal value will be compensated, and you will be found valuable to the person of your choice.
enigma
The mystery of this is why do we all fall for it? Well, as I stated earlier, insecurity is a common thing. There are thousands of reasons why a human will have insecure moments. Idealistically, one should meditate, think positively, and realize their own worth independent of any outside influence, thereby removing the reliance on outside stimulus to feel complete.
However idealistic as that may be, it is also a very difficult and abstract solution, and very much hidden from people. Why? Because it's bad for commerce. Assume for a moment that everything you purchase in your everyday life, from your socks to your shoes to your toothbrush and your car, is somehow related to you compensating for insecurity. Imagine yourself without all those things. Do you feel any less?
Of course you do, and we assume that that is normal. To some extent, in a materialistic world, that is unavoidable. But if you think about realistically, your teeth being whiter or people checking out your car, or people approving of your shoes don't actually add to who you are, nor does that actually convince you that you are worth anymore. All it does, in essence, is make other people think you are more valuable.
And this is the entire facade that commerce places on you: That when you are insecure about yourself, society enters and gives you a solution - their product. You can either take their product and try it out, or you can meditate and try to find a solution. Being inundated constantly by their influences, you succumb and purchase that product. Now, because everyone else in society also succumbs to it, it actually, for the time being, works.
This creates two external dependencies for you, as a human being who is naturally insecure: You are now dependant on their product, and you are also dependent on other humans like yourself validating that that product actually makes you more valuable.
restitution
And here we come back to me. A simple guy who for some reason wants to have demeaning sex with loose women. But they pushed it too far. They placed an ugly girl in an ugly outfit and told me to want to have sex with her. Something within me preceded my societal conditioning, telling me she was ugly. Then followed the conditioned response: "no she's not, she's exactly what you want, because if you fuck her guys will look up to you, and you will be more accomplished as a guy, and more girls will want to fuck you."
It became apparent to me that if no one knew I was with her, if we never went out in public, I would have very little interest in actually being with her. It seemed almost meaningless of an act if I considered never telling anyone about it.
So I took it upon myself to cleanse myself of this degrading conditioning. I starved myself of sexual pleasure and tortured my hormones, telling them that this was not what you wanted, this was not the solution. There was no bliss, and my sexual desires were not to be targeted upon objects I did not find genuinely beautiful and worthy.
And then came a point where I was at terminal velocity. Where my hormonal rages didn't increase, but stabilized, and I somehow knew I could not orgasm to a loose woman. It was then that I pondered a potential life partner, and fantasized about the intimacy, the trust, the mutual adoration, the warmth, the smiles and the laughter, and orgasmed as I had so few times in the past, in pure ecstasy, involving my mind and my body.
I smiled a wide smile that was pure and holy, because I thought about her after the ordeal, and wanted to cuddle. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to love her. I wanted to be with her, and I had no regrets.
verdict
Once you break one set of arbitrary commodities, it seems easier to break others. Why do I ride a motorbike? Why do I drive a Jeep? Why do I write articles?
With this newfound knowledge and perception of societal commodities it becomes so easy to target and manipulate those that are still victimized by it. This means, if you do not question it, you can be manipulated as you have been for years.
I'm not certain how to conclude this lengthy article, except to say that this is not like the others as this rings in an entirely new life for me. My pursuits are now much narrower, and my resources are focused on beautiful things. I will achieve the things I want to much quicker, and most importantly, I will find and capture someone to travel the path with me, without blurred vision. |
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| Created by Decius at
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